first cry for help...

was surfing through the net, (just got back from my theatre exam) an i dea struck my head, why dont i create my own blog??!! eventhough i dont really tell people a lot what's on my mind, but hey, at least i can just post it up,tak kisahlah kalau ada orang nak baca ke tak, at least i have a new way of expressing what's on my mind!!!

thanks to my dearest, fieza. she gave me the idea of writting my own blog. happy belated birthday dear.. i called her up on her birthday eve, i felt so lost and alone, really need to hear a familiar voice. sorry dear, if i spoiled ur mood..

" I think I woke up at the wrong sode of the bed..for no perticular reason, (that I can think of) I feel so bloody down. There’s like this very heavy thing on my chest,and i can hardy breath, the pain is slowly spreading into my blood veins, like a very venemous poison, slowly,slowly,slowly...my whole body feels numb. At this point, I started hating any form of light, I just wanted to be in the dark, the slightest stray of light can just send me straight to hell… I jut want to be in the dark. Absolute darkness, empty, alone, silent.

The pain is getting to my feet, I cant feel it anymore, let alone to even move it, the wieght in my chest is getting heavier, my brains is so mess up, cant think clearly anymore, voices spaking in my head, all at the same time. Even though the room is in total silence, but the voices in my head made it seems like a whole crowd of people trying to talk to me t the same time. I don’t want to listen to any of them. Why cant they just leave me alone, I just want to be alone, please leave me alone. I dont want to listen to your voices, I want to hear those voices that I’ve miss, the voices that I’ve been missing for a very long time…

Its coming to my shoulders and neck, feels numb in my arms, at this point, I cant help but to thnk, why do we have to grow up? Why can’t we just stay as children all the time.not that I had a very great childhood, but at least the people that I love was there. It wasn’t really a very lovely picture, but still it was the best of time. "

wrote that b4 i called fieza up..

went to my dear 'awak's house after that, brought along sepet's vcd, watch it with her while the both of us golek-golek on the floor, called fieza up again at half past 12 to wish her happy birthday..

" zhu ni shen ri kuai le,

zhu ni shen ri kuai le,

zhu ni shen ri kuai le,

zhu ni shen ti kuai le."

sang her happy birthday in mandarin..hehehehe...she loved it. we watch sepet to the very end, loved that movie...sweet, nice and simple.. just before i left, 'awak' came out from her room and say,

"nah,"

i asked, "huh? nak buat ape?"

"suka tak?"

"suka,comel je"

"saya punya, amik lah, jangan lah buat muka monyok je, tak comel la"

"takder lah,mana ade monyok."

"simpan lek-lok tau,kalau sepah-sepah nanti saya amik balik!!"

"yelah, orang letak kat meja pc nanti, tak sepah."

"nanti golek-golek ngan dia k?"

she gave me the baby from "The Incredibles" doll...cheered me up a little bit.

hmm....i guess, i have notthing else to write..

thanks to those who has always been giving me undivided love: atah, fieza, syuhada, khair, sam, kush, mali, andy, yasseer, kaduk, ain...and the list goes on...