the drop out kids...

For the last two days, I was stuck in Kem Putra- Putri Alor Gajah, In Taboh naming, Alor Gajah for the Literature and Culture Module, which is a part of the National Service program. The worst part was not it was in Alor Gajah, but the kids this time most of them are school drop outs, some of them didn’t even go to high school. The Chinese can’t understand any other languages other than mandarin. The only thing in malay thet they know is their name in Bahasa Melayu, some even nama sendiri spell salah. This is the 1st time me teaching this kids, seriously they really suck the life out of you. It was exhausting. Really, really, really exhausting.

There’s this girl in my class, a Chinese girl, she was very pretty, but she drop out from school by standard 3 and now she’s working as a GRO in one of the clubs in JB. I pity her, she stop school because her dad was an abusive drunk and the mom had to raise her and her siblings. 2 orang lagi budak perempuan habis sekolah darjah 6, lepas tu terus tak sekolah dah. Sekarang ni kerja kat salon. Dalam class tu, Cuma ada 3 orang je yang habis sekolah sampai form 5, and all 3 of them are Malay, and yes there’s this one Indian girl, Rageswary, she finish her high school as well. And she was nice, very nice.

Yang lain-lain dalam kelas tu rata-rata dah kerja, ada kerja kilang, kerja bawak lori, kerja bengkel motor, kereta. ada yang kerja jadi Along( tak tau lah along ke macai along ke, tapi not really something that you would wanna do for the rest of your life…) ada yang kerja GRO, kerja salon…macam-macam… I asked them what they will do after this, all of them replied in more or lest the same answer. “kerja la balik cikgu, nak buat apa lagi, nak belajar, sekolah pun tak habis.” “carik kerja kot, saya spm amik sastera, itu pun kantoi, tengok la, JB banyak kerja sikit. Kalau dapat Poli saya pergi la,itu pun kalau dapat, rasanya memang tak dapat (laugh).” And that laugh really struck me… “tak tau la cikgu, saya ikut abang saya jadi along ma, carik orang kutip hutang. Malam-malam pergi minum, nanti cukup duit saya ingat mau jadi tokey kedai lor…” “saya habis ni balik la kelang, kerja kat kilang balik, sini diorang bagi 300 je,baik saya duduk luar, kerja. Pastu tunggu la orang ajak kahwin.”

On the last day we did a short sketch, and won 1st prize. A little hamper. But they were really happy. The joy was like winning a 10,000 dollar prize. My lead actor, the Chinese boy was really good, though he didn’t want to participate in anything in the 1st place, but by the evening of the 1st day, he volunteered himself to play the cacat boy. He was so happy. Before I left last night, he and the other girl who left school when she was standard 3 came to me and said, “ cikgu, terima kasih. Orang tak pernah cakap elok-elok sama saya. Bapak saya selalu marah, saya punya abang tak balik rumah. cikgu macam abang, suka bagi saya ketawa.” “ cikgu, saya tak pernah menang apa-apa tau, saya sekolah cikgu tak suka sama saya, itu pasal saya tak pergi sekolah. Cikgu suka gelak-gelak sama kami. Saya suka lor… mula saya tak mau ikut sebab pikir nanti cikgu tak suka sama saya. Nanti cikgu datang JB kita pergi yam cha.”

I came back with tears in my eyes, and smile on my face. It was very bad of me to hate to go there and teach them in the 1st place. But in the end, I felt like I wanted to be there longer so that I can just be with them. They were fun, a lot of fun. Though they are drop outs, they’re good kids. They’re not problematic, they’re just misunderstood and were not given any chance… they were left out…alone.

enough said.

it's not route 66...

I really want to write something in my blog, because that is what I usually do, especially in times like this; in times when I am at the verge of going through a living hell. But every time, I want to start, it just got all messed up and misty and black… nothing but total blackness…. Dark, cold, silence….very, very dark….very, very cold…. Very, very messed up…..and did I mention dark? I know if any one of my good girlfriends are here with me, especially if khair is here in melaka with me she would definitely wants me to share the story, to share the emotions, because according to her, that would make me feel better. If fieza is here, she would have me tied to a chair with a whip in her hand and force me to shed those tears out…

But what would a whole library of words be any good if it won’t help you to make things different, what would 7 seas of tears be any help if it won’t make you feel good… they would be very, very pissed kalau diorang baca ni…hehehehehe…but what good does it make? Does it turn the wound into an ecstasy? Would it turn the bloods into wine? Does it end your nightmare with a happy ending? but then again, I can't blame them for being persistent to help, from fieza I qoute...

"u know wat they say..people come and go..but friends like THESE people..they come, but they just dont know when to go..hehehehe.."

This is a time where sparing the journey through hell by writing isn’t going to be enough… maybe it is time for me to go through hell and enjoy the scenery, be it good or bad… who knows, a journey through hell could be a fun one. I always wanted to know how and what does it look like going through hell… maybe it’s high time for me to feed that curiosity of mine…after all, pictures of Eden can be a view for sore eyes sometimes… so watch out world, the coldest bastard the world has ever know is about to have his first breakdown!!!!

One last thing before I stop, I have gotten back my other personalities (yeay!!!)… I thought I’ve lost them, apparently their just in there preparing for this breakdown… so thoughtful of them. Me and my spilt personalities…and our little journey through living hell…I say, that’s gonna be an epic.

P/s: e’en, don’t you come to melaka with parang to paksa me. Cause me won’t budge an inch…

enough said.

my perfect relationship

In life, all good things will come to an end, or something that seems to be the end of it. The perfect relationship I had with my PC has come to its end; she’s no longer the perfect “girl” who entertains me with her lullabies, her story telling with the moving pictures. She doesn’t perform as well as she use to and on top of that, I can’t turn her on whenever I want to like I used to. I’ve lost the touch of my magic finger that would turn her on in a jiffy. Instead of saying “not tonight saying” or I’m tired la saying” she took the stand of not saying anything at all and doesn’t respond to my touch. So, I had to send her to kaduk, perhaps all we need right now is a little break, a holiday perhaps, and maybe, after a good few hours with kaduk, or perhaps a few days, she’ll come around and realise that she needs me like I need her. I miss my PC… I’m so gonna buy her new gadgets when she’s fine… she’s gonna love it…… I know I would.

I miss the other part of me, it's so boring living as a single personality person... it's so normal... I miss the multiple personality disorder part of me...they were fun...

Enough said.