a piece of my mind...

entah lah, there's been a lot of things to be think of lately, and i couldn't just put it into words, and been very buntu. sampai tak tahu macam mana nak luahkan...did 2 shows on christmas day and the day after, "Dewan persidangan"...nothing much to say about that play, except it was just ok. abang zaini was here for the show, he did the lightings...miss him and kak ujie a lot, was glad to see and lepak with him for a few days. was very refreshing. other than that nothing really exciting about this week...

well, during this week i came to think about why do i love acting? why do i love the whole idea of arts it self? why am i obses about this dogma of spreading the bohemian ideology of arts and love? entah la, aku sendiri tak jumpa jawapan dia lagi. uncle yalal told me about the 4 principles of arts, Nawaitu, Aqidah, Kaedah, and Jujur Ikhlas. kalau bermula dengan nawaitu yang betul, dan aqidah yang betul, and do it in the right way, plus kau jujur ikhlas dalam mengerjakan perkara itu, insyaallah...everything will go fine, and you'll leave an impact on someone, kalau tak orang lain, at least to yourself.

kak ujie selalu cakap, arts as a whole, can be a form of dakwah, be it in any way. because dakwah tidak semestinya disebarkan di masjid semata. betapa luasnya bumi Allah taala, and you can just preach at almost everywhere, and at any time. some one wise told me once that, one way of showing that you love Him, is by dakwah, be it big or small, as long nawaitu untuk berdakwah...insyaallah...

uncle yalal also brought up the issue of memahami keseluruhan konsep kecintaan itu. he said, that kadang-kadang manusia lupa yang konsep cinta itu sebenarnya sangat luas and besar. itu is not just limited to boys and girls love, tetapi konsep itu dah makin dilupakan oleh kita. in one way, we only obses aout the love inbetween me and you and nothing else. where as konsep cinta pada tuhan itu sebenarnya lebih besar, lebih sacred.

kita rindu pada dia tapi tidak pada Dia. kita tak berani nak menipu pada dia tetapi tidak pada Dia. kita tak pernah lupa pada dia tapi selalu lupa pada Dia. kita terlalu asyik pada dia tetapi tidak pada Dia. betapa mudah terpesongnya manusia itu...terlalu mudah lalainya kita ini...

seorang manusia yang cintakn tuhannya melebihi segalanya selalunya manusia yang beruntung, they will always be a better person than anyone else...but once cintanya terpesong, that can change the whole course of one's life...especially in arts, orang lainakan dapat detact kalau cintaartist itu dah lari dari konsep cinta yang sepatutnya... i dont want to mention any names,,,i think everyone can figure that out by themselves...

i went through fieza's blog recently...and i read her notice about having to write her last entry in her blogs...i support u all the way sayang, but there's one thing that i couldnt quite agree...fieza dear...you can never put out the past, it's a part of you...whether u hate it..it is still apart of you...i know it wasn't pretty as we want it to be, tapi itukan ketentuan Allah taala...and i bet if we really lokked back, you will find somethings yang sebenarnya mengajar kita to be a better person that what we were before...kan? but what ever it is, i support you anyway, just as you have been there for me, everytime i needed you...thank you fieza.

to live is a many wonderful things...

enough said

it's been a while

To see the world in a different perspective is not something everyone would chose and would do.
The question is, why would anyone want to see the world in another perspective?
By the end of the day, would seeing things in another point of view really helps us to discover what actually lies beneath the surface?
If seeing things in another perspective doesn’t help us from discovering what actually lies beneath the surface, why try to see things differently?
Perhaps by the end of the day, even if it doesn’t really see what lies beneath the closed doors, it would help us to gain some clue of where are we heading and what we would want to do.
And do it in a different way.

************************************************************************************************

It’s been a while,
Makin lama makin resah,
Makin lama makin rindu,
Makin lama makin kosong,
Makin lama makin bodoh.

It’s been a while,
Mungkin sebab itu rasa tak lengkap,
Mungkin sebab itu rasa tak tenteram,
Mungkin sebab itu rasa gelisah,
Mungkin sebab itu rasa bersalah.

It’s been a while,
Sampai tak tahu berapa jauh dah pergi,
Sampai tak tahu arah yang betul
Sampai tak tahu selama ni kuat mengigau
Sampai tak tahu
Sampai tak tahu

It’s been a while,
Ini lah agaknya balasan dia,
Hidup tak rupa orang,
Mati tak rupa mayat,
Kejab betul kejab tidak,
Kejab gembira kejab tidak,
(Yang tidak tu pulak yang selalu datang )

It’s been a while,
Sampai bila nak terus macam ni,
Lurus tidak,
Bengkok tidak,
Naik tidak, turun tidak,
Berjalan tidak, duduk pun tidak.
It’s been a while,
Sampai terlupa bacaannya,
Nasib baik tak lupa niatnya,

It’s been a while,
Hapak bau sebab lama sangat tinggal,

It’s been a while,
Since the last time aku sujud,
Rasa aman,
Rasa tenang,
Rasa darah mula bergerak,
Terasa ringan,
Rasa senang…

It’s been a while,
Sampai aku sendiri lupa,
Lupa apa rasanya untuk sujud,
Sampai aku sendiri lupa,
Lupa betapa tenangnya dapat sujud,
Lupa betapa tenangnya hanya dengan sujud,
Sujud mengadap dia.

It’s been a while.

enough said

there was a girl...

There was a girl who was her daddy’s little girl, even though she was very much pampered by her father, but he taught her to be an independent girl, so that one day she would be the one leading her baby siblings when he is no longer around. He taught her how play chess so that she would learn to think and analyze the good and bad before she comes to any decision; then he taught her how to play poker, black jack, and other cards game with hopes that she would learn to dare life, for every single move would be a gamble. He was a wise man. With 3 other siblings after her and the smallest being 14, he made manage to raise a very independent and wise young lady. Although her childhood was not all cotton candy and beds of roses, she is glad that her father was always there for her when she needed him. Her life after childhood was pretty much the same as everyone else, happy times and bad times, she had her moments of falling into deep pit of love as well as share her part in bad breakups. She was swept in and out of love, it wasn't much of numbers but worthy to be remembered. A year ago, she met the right guy, and perhaps at the right moment. They hit it off right away, though not really having said where are they going to but they know that they are actually heading toward the same direction.

2 days ago, on the 2nd of September, they’ve exchange their vows as husband and wife, in front of their family, friends and loved ones, though her father wasn’t there, she could feel his spirit’s present. He passed away nearly 2 and half years ago. Having taught to be a strong and independent woman, she tried to hold back her tears, though she wasn’t really good at hiding her emotions, she manages to hold back her tears. She had her lovely wedding reception, though it wasn’t grand, but it was lovely, her family, friends, loved ones, loving husband, and especially her deceased father’s spirit was there, praying for the newly weds eternal happiness. I am very grateful to meet her, be acquaintance, and finally share this sister-brotherly bond with her, for the Rozie Zakariah, will always be an inspiration to me.

With a very weird start, we became close instantly, for me not having a sister, she was always there to give me advices and help that I couldn’t share with anyone else in this whole wide world. We were there for each other, and through her, I know what would it really feels to have a big sister of my own. She is not the nicest person on earth, and her words are harder to endure than snakebite, but there’s wisdom, warmth and sisterly love in all her advises. With her hazel eyes and sweet face, she has her way of making people actually listen to her advises, though it is a well known fact that I always go against her advises and in the end paying my prices. She is among the strongest person I’ve ever known, whenever something came up she would break down and cry but just for a moment, before she actually stood up and face the world and never bitch about it ever again. (Maybe her stubbornness as a Taurus actually took control of her…yes lady and gentlemen; she is one bloody stubborn Taurus.)

May she and abg sham is blessed with happiness as husband and wife, and their days to come is filled with joys and laughter. Congratulation kakak, thank you for being the best big sister one could ever ask for… I really love you.

Bismillahirahmannirahim,
Segala puji bagi Allah, tuhan semesta alam. Maha pemurah lagi Maha penyayang.Yang menguasai di hari pembalasan.Hanya engkau yang kami sembah,dan hanya kepada Engkaulah kami meminta pertolongan. Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus. Yaitu Jalan orang-orang yang telah Engkau beri ni'mat kepada mereka; bukan (jalan) mereka yang dimurkai dan bukan (pula jalan) mereka yang sesat.

Ya Allah ya tuhanku,

Dengan rahmatMu yang menikahkan Fatimah binti Muhammad kepada Ali bin Abi Talib dengan berwalikan Muhammad Rasulmu dan bersaksikan Jibrail and sekalian malaikat, Kau berilah mereka berdua hidayahMu, dan berikanlah mereka keimanan yang tebal dalam hati. Jadikanlah mereka berdua pasangan suami isteri yang Kau redhai dan kasihi ya Allah. Kau cucurilah mereka rahmatMu ya Allah, Kau peliharalah kasih saying dan cinta mereka. Kau bukalah pintu rezeki mereka supaya mereka tidak berada dalam kesusahan ya Allah. Kau kurniakanlah mereka zuriat yang baik, supaya satu hari nanti mereka sekeluarga dapat mencari keredhaanMu Ya Allah. Rabbana atina fid-dunia hasanah, was-fil akhirati hasanat wakina azabanar. Was salallahuala saidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wasahbihi wa salam, walhamdulillah hirabbilalamin…. Amin.

Enough said.

real people...

It’s a common thing for us, the “real” people, to look into an add page and says, “aarrr.. I wish I have that life”, we crave for the ideal picture we’ve seen, we fantasies to have that kind of body, face, and feature, even perhaps the family portrayed in the advert. We always have this thing of awing the advert page, and worship the models in it. Be it a happy family campaign advert, underwear advert, even the detergent advertisement would make us feel that the reality we live in is actually a deep dung hole.

Why are we so afraid to actually face the reality, all our lives, we’ve been trying to live under the shades of perfections, it’s never is easy for us to admit that we’ve failed, we prefer other people to see us as if we’ve just walked out from a magazine advert. We want other people to see us like a model, with flawless skins, and just about the right height, and weight.

The thing about model is, they are just too perfect, they have the looks, they walk the walk, and once they are on the runway, they are divine. They can never afford to trip over on a runway, it’s the utmost forbidden thing to do. Unlike us, the “real” people, we can afford to trip over, and we can and we know that we should get up, and continue our walk. For me, this “little” flaw is what makes us human. We learn how to fall, even if it’s an accident, and more important, we learn how to get up, and face the audience, with just about the needed amount of smile hang over our face.

Another phenomena that really attract me is human’s obsession on gambling. I was in Taman Budaya, preparing for a “ Bangsawan ” show the other day when two workers from Taman Budaya (whom actually are friends of mine) started talking about gambling. It goes something like this,

W1: tgk lah man,kalau terang, dapat lah duit,kalau gelap,ngaga je lah…
W2: mcm abg hari tu, dapat lah dalam 20 ribu…tu kira hari terang lah tu…dapat lah buat belanja lebih sikit.
Me: all in all, berapa banyak abg menang? Bukan susah ke nak menang?
W2: ada la sikit sikit…ala, main saja je suka suka…

One thing that I know about gambling, the HOUSE will always wins. I thought to myself, if the house always wins, why gamble? We humans always crave for an element of surprise; we want to always be in “not-in-the-know” situation. Yes, as we know that the house will always win, but we crave for the day when the house actually loses… that’s why we gamble.

Though it is actually rare, and almost impossible for the house to lose, but we hope that the house will lose and that we would for once win. Mungkin itu sebenarnya sikap kita pada Allah… mungkin juga it’s about the child in us, yang selalu mahukan something spicy happening in our lives… who know? But for me, one of the things that made human love to gamble is because they want to feel human, we crave for the feeling of getting hurt, surprised, anxious, scared, and above all things, happy when we know the things we gamble actually hit the jackpot…

I came to realize that as much as we loathe the reality, we the “real” people actually bonds a love-hate relationship with it, and it’s actually hard for us to actually describe the feelings. But we know, we wouldn’t want to trade it with anything, because it is the only thing that made us realize that we exists, and that we are just human.

I dedicate this column to all those feels that they prefer to be just human, and that love to gamble with their life in anyway they see it fit, and to my sister, Rozie Zakaria, who’s getting married this Friday. For her way of gambling herlife in the way she sees it fit and accepting herself as a “real” people even when reality hits her very hard.

enough said.