what makes a good friend?
answers anyone?
if i ask kakak , her answer would be, "in any relationship, the key to succes is communication. once you are unable to communicate, the relationship is set for doom." when i asked my other friends, they agree with kakak, with the additional point of u should be able to understand your friend, u should know what they likes and dislikes, their birthday, their family, their history, their kinks, accept them for who they are , bla bla bla.
almost everyone that i asked put communication on the top list. still refering to the previous question, of what makes a good friend and comunication is a top priority of enabling u to become good friends, comes a second question, how and what do you communicate with your friends? eh, no. i think the question should be, what are thing you can communicate with your friends? or should i say what are they things you should talk to your friends? yeah, i like the 3rd one better. okey, so lets focus on that.
what are the things you should say to your friends? should you tell them something they want to hear or something that they should hear? let me give out a scenario, say A tells you about the problems that he/she is going through right now and how the whole thing is breaking him/her and that he/she is trying to be strong and hopeful, not really hopeful i think the appropriate word is believe that this whole thing will end like a fairy tale, a happy happy ending where everyone lives happily ever after. and there you are listening to the whole thing, analyzing what ever he/she says and try to look at things from a objective perspective, and you know that what he/she believes has very slim chance to happen even IF, what he/she believe is going to happen happens, you know that it is not going to happen anytime soon and that it will cost him/her a lot, and you can't stand looking at him/her being so fragile and pathetic ( i know by using this word alone makes me a very very bad friend, but i tried looking for other words, and i can't find one.)
so what should you say to him/her? should u say something that he/she WANTS to hear or something he/she SHOULD hear? to make matter worst, u have my gift of sarcastic, cycnical, harsh, dirty mouth and dont know how to honey-coat your words to the people u love. what would,could and should u say? just so u know, i have a long list of history in making people "terkedu" with what i say. though almost everytime they end up agreeing with me, but i will usually unintentionally hurt them 1st. i can't help it, on one side i come from a Minang family where words are like flying daggers aim to stab you in the chest and on the other side...well, though they are not Minang, but still what ever they say would make you suicidal, so yeah, i am the by-product of 2 family with no words censorship, somehow rather "cakap berlapik" doesn't exsist in my family dictionary, just dry morbid sarcasm, cynicism, and harsh brutal truth. try talking to my dad, 5 minutes and then you'll reach for his gun and either shoot him between the eyes or just shove the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. you can also try talking to my mum, though she's not as scary as my dad, and will always talk to you with a smile, every now and then you wish she would just poison you to death or stab you with the kitchen knife and be done with.
so, back to the main point, what should you say to your friends? should you tell them the honest thruth and hurt their feeling, might end up having a fight with him/her and be the bad friend who is not sensitive to other people feelings, though you know, that in the long run, what ever you said may save him/her from becoming more sad, and fragile and pathetic (again, is there any other words to replace this one?). Or say something they want to hear, and go along with the stupidity and encourage him/her in doing something you very well know will hurt them and continue to encourage them even when they past the line of doing something stupid and pathetic. Or not say anything and just nod along with a few, ouh, and erm and let them settle it own their own, even if they can't settle it- hey, it's none of your business- you just keep quiet, why? because you know they don't want to hear what they should hear and you dont want to say what they want to hear.
so which one of these option would a good friend chose? for me personally, it's either the first or the last one, so, i am either going to be the bad friend with foul mouth and kick you when you're down, or the self-centered, non-caring bastard. but how can i do that when it is a good friend, no, more than a good freind, a close friend in fact. some might say that if you really love your friend, and they love you back, you should be able to say just about anything, i assure you, not everyone is made and built like us, not everyone can accept hard,cold, hard truth. no wonder the old man on the mountain doesn't have any friends. it's tiring and not ZEN at all.
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i love my fishes, they are so ZEN, and soothing, and calming. the only problem they have is when i dont feed them or when i dont change the water once a week. is it weird that i like my fishes better than i like people with all the drama and what not?
enough said.
answers anyone?
if i ask kakak , her answer would be, "in any relationship, the key to succes is communication. once you are unable to communicate, the relationship is set for doom." when i asked my other friends, they agree with kakak, with the additional point of u should be able to understand your friend, u should know what they likes and dislikes, their birthday, their family, their history, their kinks, accept them for who they are , bla bla bla.
almost everyone that i asked put communication on the top list. still refering to the previous question, of what makes a good friend and comunication is a top priority of enabling u to become good friends, comes a second question, how and what do you communicate with your friends? eh, no. i think the question should be, what are thing you can communicate with your friends? or should i say what are they things you should talk to your friends? yeah, i like the 3rd one better. okey, so lets focus on that.
what are the things you should say to your friends? should you tell them something they want to hear or something that they should hear? let me give out a scenario, say A tells you about the problems that he/she is going through right now and how the whole thing is breaking him/her and that he/she is trying to be strong and hopeful, not really hopeful i think the appropriate word is believe that this whole thing will end like a fairy tale, a happy happy ending where everyone lives happily ever after. and there you are listening to the whole thing, analyzing what ever he/she says and try to look at things from a objective perspective, and you know that what he/she believes has very slim chance to happen even IF, what he/she believe is going to happen happens, you know that it is not going to happen anytime soon and that it will cost him/her a lot, and you can't stand looking at him/her being so fragile and pathetic ( i know by using this word alone makes me a very very bad friend, but i tried looking for other words, and i can't find one.)
so what should you say to him/her? should u say something that he/she WANTS to hear or something he/she SHOULD hear? to make matter worst, u have my gift of sarcastic, cycnical, harsh, dirty mouth and dont know how to honey-coat your words to the people u love. what would,could and should u say? just so u know, i have a long list of history in making people "terkedu" with what i say. though almost everytime they end up agreeing with me, but i will usually unintentionally hurt them 1st. i can't help it, on one side i come from a Minang family where words are like flying daggers aim to stab you in the chest and on the other side...well, though they are not Minang, but still what ever they say would make you suicidal, so yeah, i am the by-product of 2 family with no words censorship, somehow rather "cakap berlapik" doesn't exsist in my family dictionary, just dry morbid sarcasm, cynicism, and harsh brutal truth. try talking to my dad, 5 minutes and then you'll reach for his gun and either shoot him between the eyes or just shove the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. you can also try talking to my mum, though she's not as scary as my dad, and will always talk to you with a smile, every now and then you wish she would just poison you to death or stab you with the kitchen knife and be done with.
so, back to the main point, what should you say to your friends? should you tell them the honest thruth and hurt their feeling, might end up having a fight with him/her and be the bad friend who is not sensitive to other people feelings, though you know, that in the long run, what ever you said may save him/her from becoming more sad, and fragile and pathetic (again, is there any other words to replace this one?). Or say something they want to hear, and go along with the stupidity and encourage him/her in doing something you very well know will hurt them and continue to encourage them even when they past the line of doing something stupid and pathetic. Or not say anything and just nod along with a few, ouh, and erm and let them settle it own their own, even if they can't settle it- hey, it's none of your business- you just keep quiet, why? because you know they don't want to hear what they should hear and you dont want to say what they want to hear.
so which one of these option would a good friend chose? for me personally, it's either the first or the last one, so, i am either going to be the bad friend with foul mouth and kick you when you're down, or the self-centered, non-caring bastard. but how can i do that when it is a good friend, no, more than a good freind, a close friend in fact. some might say that if you really love your friend, and they love you back, you should be able to say just about anything, i assure you, not everyone is made and built like us, not everyone can accept hard,cold, hard truth. no wonder the old man on the mountain doesn't have any friends. it's tiring and not ZEN at all.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i love my fishes, they are so ZEN, and soothing, and calming. the only problem they have is when i dont feed them or when i dont change the water once a week. is it weird that i like my fishes better than i like people with all the drama and what not?
enough said.
