Thursday, September 15, 2005

childhood memories?

As we live on day by day, we oft forget about our childhood memories that were and actually still are a very big part of what we are today. We tend to think, that our childhood experience is nothing but a mere memory that should be hidden in a locked closet. We tend to live day by day denying the fun of growing up, because we think, that it would be very immature for us to look back and recall our childhood memories…yes some of us went through a very rough childhood life, but there must be something beautiful in it, like the first time you’ve ever scored an A in a exam, or the first time you got a pat on the shoulders for painting a ridiculously-ugly-yet-cute picture, or perhaps, the first time you went on stage for public speaking. Those are the memories that worth more than anything in the whole wide world.

Childhood memories: are they really that ridiculous?

As we go on this journey, we lean to be more and more of a whiner, we see every single thing that come in our way as a big problem, and bitch about it, especially if the tings that come in our way is not actually the package we asked for. We learn to turn every single detail as a subject to be stress about. Hardly for once we try to challenge it and try to hike to the high peak. Was very different from what we were back then, we were this very curios, active, attentive and not too exaggerating to say more articulate than what we are now, mungkin sebab dulu kita lebih ikhlas, ikhlas kerana kita lebih objective dari kita sekarang yang lebih subjective.

Be it in any situation, we are not as honest as we used to be. Keikhlasan itu sudah tercemar dengan nafsu kita yang demanding to be fulfil. Each and every single step, each and every single movement have to be paid back with something worth more than the effort we put. Then out of nowhere, the saying “there is no such thing as a free lunch” came about. Children are honest because the things they want in return in just plain simple love. Love and attention, full stop.

Perhaps, as we grew older, we have forgotten how it feels to be loved, that’s why we are looking for a substitute for it. Even though we can see people falling in and out of love everyday, how sure are we that every time a new relationship starts, it is actually based on a true, plain old simple love? Where sex is not the priority, it’s just a bonus package? Kita sudah lupa cara untuk menyayangi dan disayangi. To love not only our self but the family, the friends, the people around us. Instead of love, we substituted that feeling with prejudice, hatred, slyness and so on and so forth, and the list will never stop; unless we recall back the memories of how does it feel when the only thing we really want and asked for is just plain, old simple love.

Mungkin itu sebabnya anak mata kita tidak secerah anak mata anak kecil yang tak mengerti apa-apa, kerana mereka lebih ikhlas, lebih jujur dah lebih berani menyatakan secara lansung atau tidak apa yang mereka mahukan. Mungkin its about time for us to sit back and think of our childhood memories and recall how happy we were back then, even if it is not the prettiest picture ever, at least we all were more honest to ourselves back than, compare to what we are now…

Enough said.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

apa yang kita ratapkan?

apa yang kita ratapkan?
tuhan itu Maha Adil bukan?
sudah tertulis yang Dia memang Maha penyayang.
barangkali kita terlupa.
sebab kitu kita selalu merintih,
merintih sesal, merintih kesal, merintih kecewa.
merintih kerana apa yang kita mahukan,
ternyata benda yang mengecewakan,
kita mahu gelap,
kita mahukan kekosongan,
kita mahu jauh,
sedangkan dia mahu kita dekat,
dekat dalam pangkuannya...
bagai anak nakal yang sentiasa mahukan perhatian,
kita merengek, kita merajuk jauh,
kita harapkan dia untuk datang memujuk,
kita mahukan dia berhenti memandang orang lain,
dan hanya memakukan matanya kearah kita,
anak nakalnya yang sentiasa mahukan perhatian dan cintanya seorang...
namun, bagai seorang ibu yang punyai anak ramai,
kadang-kadang dia tidak cepat memandang ke arah kita,
melayan karenah degil kita,
memujuk kita yang selalu merajuk,
bagai seorang ibu yang terlalu sibuk melayan karenah anak-anak kecilnya yang ramai,
dia tidak dapat memberikan apa yang kita mahukan itu dengan cepat,
tapi, dalam hatinya, kasih terhadap anak kecil yang nakal itu
terlalu agung untuk diukur,
terlalu suci untuk dibicara,
terlalu hebat untuk ditafsir...
sayangnya tak terhingga,
cintanya melampaui ukuran...
tetapi anak nakal itu tidak mahu mengalah,
dia menunjukkan kenakalan dan kedegilannya,
masih tidak berpuas hati dengan apa yang ada,
dia mula membuat nakal, menunjukkan degilnya,
sehingga dia terjatuh dan luka,
dia mula menangis menjerit...

apa yang kita ratapkan?
hanya kerana kita terlalu degil untuk mengalah,
kita mahu meratap?
hanya kerana kita tidak mahu menerima hakikat,
bahawa kita tak mungkin dapat semua yang kita mahukan,
dan kita menjadi orang yang tamak,
itu yang mahu dijadikan alasan
untuk kita ratapkan?

apa yang kita ratapkan?
bersyukurlah,
terimalah hakikat,
bahawa, cintanya pada kita,
terlalu besar dan agung,
melangkaui ukuran akal...

apa yang kita ratapkan?
lihat lihat,
renung renung,
terimalah yang sebenarnya,
kita memang rindukannya,
kita memang cintakannya,
cuma nafsu yang menghalang dan sentiasa menghasut,
untuk tidakpercaya bahawa,
kita memang sentiasa dahaga,
kita sentiasa dahagakan cintanya...

mungkin,
bila kita sudah boleh menerima,
dan kembali padanya,
seperti anak kecil yang nakal,
berlari balik pada ibunya,
dan mengadukan tentang luka dikakinya,
lalu,dipeluk kuat ibunya dan
dengan penuh kasih,
dia memberikan kita satu ciuman,
dan menyayikan lagu tidur yang tenang,
mendodoikan si anak nakal yang baru insaf,
sehingga tidur nyenyak,
dalam pangkuan si ibu yang cintakannya...

enough said.






Monday, September 05, 2005

Qoutes...

just wanted to share something from my favourite book...

As my visit with Morrie go on,I begin to read about death,how different cultures view the final passage. There is a tribe in North American Arctic, for example, wo believe that all things on earth have a soul that exists in a miniature form of the body that holds it; so that a deer has a tiny deer inside it, and a man has a tiny man inside him. When the large being dies, that tiny form lives on. It can slide into something being born nearby, or it can go to a temporary resting place in the sky, in the belly ofa great feminine spirit, where it waits until the moon can send it back to earth.

Sometimes, they say, the moon is so busy with the new souls of the world that itdissapears from the sky. That is why we have moonless nights. But in the end, the moon always return, as do we all.

That is what they believe...


and this is another one...

"Have I told you about the tension of the opposites?" he says.

The tension of the opposites?

"Life is a seriesof pulls back and forth. You want todo one thing,but you are bound to do something else.Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

A tention of opposites,like a pull on the rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match,I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes,you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins,Love always wins."

enough said.