tabah?

ok, it's been a while since i wrote my last entry, i've been doing some thinking lately. last saturday night, ada sorang uncle ni kematian anaknya yang baru 20 years old, he died of heart failure, he got the new in the afternoon, while he was busy preparing for an event for that particular night and no one knew about it, malam tu, lepas event tu start, baru dia balik kl, and masa tu baru semua orang tau that he had lost his son ealier that afternoon. malam tu, after the whole event, kitorang pergi hantar barang kat rumah dia, just as we finish loading barang kat rumah dia, dia pun sampai dari kl, that was around 2 a.m. he stoped us, and ajak kitorang masuk. and for the first time, we saw the side of him we never thought we'll be seeing.

Ketabahan: the state of accepting and not bitching about it.

we went in his house and gave him our condolence. he smiled and noded, and started to tell us about the son, about how he died. he seems to be calm about the whole issue, especially from a person who had just lost a son. after a good half an hour he ended the story about the son by saying, "takpa, saya ni kes kecik je, baru anak yang pergi, ada kawan saya tu, (the name will not be mention here) half an hour before show ayah dia meninggal and still dia naik pentas buat show sampai habis, baru balik tengok ayah dia. just because tiket sold out and dia ada responsibility." I almost freaked my mind out!!!! "Saya ni kes kecik??? baru anak???" ok may be I was being a bit dramatic, but hey!!! I always have this thing, it's better of for my son to attend my funeral, and me attending my dad's funeral rather than having myself at my son's funeral.

ok, aku sadar, tua ke muda ke, semua akan mati, megikut bahagian masing-masing. tapi for him to be as calm as he was and think that other people's plight is far worst from his own, he gave me a new definition of respect towards him. adding up to that, he doesn't even bitch about it, tak taulah kot kalau dia buat kat belakang kitorang, but we were stranded with him the whole night, he stopped us from going back, and started conversation with us. he talked about almost everything, from books to theatre, from life to death, from being an atheist to being in a religion. we discovered a lot of thing about him that night, and even though dia sibuk bercerita dengan kami, he failed to hide the sadness he's trying to cast aside. and for me insensitively asked him, "kenapa uncle balik awal sangat? why didn't you wait for the funeral?" he looked at me and calmly said, "uncle ada shooting pagi esok, saya dah janji dengan diorang, tak baik kalau tak pergi."

Yes people, i freaked out for the second time... i don't know whether that was a defence machanism or betul dia tak nak hampa kan orang, but if my sane mind serve me right, after knowing him all these while, i realise yang dia memang seorang yang sangat tepat pada janji dia. subhanallah, I asked him again, "Uncle, are you ok?" he smiled and said, "yeah, saya ok, i can't indulge that sad feeling sebab saya ada sakit jantung. so I have to be ok." his calm nature struck me like lightning bolt.

masa balik, i asked kush, adakah ketabahan seseorang itu boleh dijadikan kayu pengukur keimanannya? kush said no, because seseorang yang tabah itu tidak semestinya mempunyai iman yang teguh, mungkin juga ketabahannya itu datang dari kepercayaan terhadap diri sendiri. percaya yang takdir ditangannya dan bukan ditangan khalidnya. so ok, be it even so, kalau ketabahannya bukan datang dari imannya terhadap Allah, still, ketabahannya mengharungi apa yang dia lalui worthy of respect. for some people maybe ketabahannya itu satu nuisance, because mungkin ketabahannya itu tidak bertempat, but for me, as long as u can accept something, even so the subject is as big as the world, and never even for once you have a thought of bitching about it is worthy to be respect.

mungkin kalau kita dapat menerima keadaan seadanya dan instead of blaming Allah for what happened, insyaallah, kita dapat melihat dunia dalam satu perspective yang berbeda. human nature, kadang-kadang kita mempersoalkan kenapa Allah jadikan keadaan seadanya, but kalau kita tidak indulge the thought until it turns to anger, insyallah...you'll see clearly what is actually the hikmah in stored for you. we are not little kids anymore, jangan terlalu mudah merajuk...dan mungkin satu hari nanti, we can be as if not more tabah than the person i wrote about.

i dedicate this article to those who have lost the people they love, be it in death or still alive. hopefully, they can develope the "ketabahan" they need. and i hope we can spend a few seconds to recite Al-fatihah, untuk mereka yang telah pergi jauh dari mata tetapi masih dekat dihati kita... Al-fatihah....

Enough said